Resolute Newbie Atmosphere

Exercising more and losing weight is a typical New Year’s resolution. This has been comically illustrated on a line graph from a search engine showing that peak search volume interest for the keyword “fitness” occurs during the beginning of each year (with smaller peaks during the summer months). Naturally there has been an influx of the masses paying tribute at the Iron Temple. Here are some experiences I’ve had since the first day of 2013.

-When entering the Temple, one must offer a fingerprint as tribute. During the sacrifice, the Keepers of the Temple will often make small talk. I’ve noticed they’ve started advising patrons more regarding personal training services.

-While using one of the machines, I noticed someone nearby playing Angry Birds while resting. I am guessing more progress was made in the game than in training because there is no greater motivation than enraged flying birds wrecking havoc. I know what I’ll be visualizing the next time I hurl a medicine ball.

-I let someone work a machine with me. After I completed a set, he immediately banged out a set of limited range-of-motion reps using abysmal form in less than a minute. I was still drained so I continued to rest in anticipation for my next set. During the wait, I could smell his adrenaline pumping and feel his desire to use the machine as soon as possible. Needless to say his performance suffered over the next few sets until he finished.

-After racking my weights — around ten assorted plates — from a deadlift, a personal trainer made the effort to thank me. I rack my weights all the time and I’m sure this particular trainer knows my track record. His gratitude may be related to the increasing mess of unracked weights laying forlorn and forgotten.

-After completing a set on the incline barbell bench, I walked off to drink water leaving behind a towel to show the space was still in use. I returned to the bench just in time to see someone throw my towel to the floor and start unracking my weight.  When I approached him about this, he spewed that he had yelled to see whether anyone was still using the bench. He stormed off without apologizing, picking up the towel, or reracking the weight. This could have ruined my mood but I found solace knowing the regulars had my back — one walked by shaking his head and another two shared empathetic glances — and that I would never stoop low like the hunchbacked douchebag.

Many Resolutioners will leave after a few months, but until then I’ll enjoy every moment and experience. I dislike New Year’s resolutions because I believe vows for action should happen as soon as possible and be sustained indefinitely. I began my life resolution of self improvement years ago and haven’t looked back since. I hope others can do the same.

Breaks Break Fast

Thanksgiving was awesome. I relaxed at home and enjoyed family time, explored for everyday armaments, indulged in good eats (turkey, seafood buffet, red curry crepe), and squeezed a few workouts (low weight high rep arms, running, squat/bench/deadlift). Now that the holiday break is over, life is back on the groove of reality. Pictured below is today’s breakfast. Onwards to victory.

-4 whole eggs scrambled, 5 slices of bacon, half an avacado
-glass of milk
-multivitamin, fish oil, green tea extract

Side note: Had the same meal for dinner last night.

Serious Inconvenience

Yesterday was legs day. I was attempting 5×5 squats that I failed to complete over a month ago. During that time I finished the first set and four reps for the second set but eased off for the last three sets; I took a rest week then reset at a lower weight working back up to this week. After I finished my pre-lifting warmup, I walked over to the power rack but noticed that someone just started using it. Normally if the power rack is occupied I would use the shoulder press rack but that was taken too. The Smith machine was vacant but not beneficial for my goals. I had no choice but to approach the power rack and ask if I could work in with the user who I will refer to as T. He seemed pretty reluctant to let me join.

T was already well into his warmup. I began to ramp up towards my work sets. Before leaving for the gym, I meticulously structure my workouts down to every exercise, weight, set, and rep referring to past recorded workouts on Fitocracy. Sometimes the weight is what I consider inconvenient. An example of a convenient weight is 135, a barbell with two 45-pound plates, whereas an inconvenient weight is 130, a barbell with two 35-pound, 5-pound, and 2.5-pound plates. Basically there’s more work to load weight onto the barbell. When I requested to load an inconvenient weight for my last warmup set, T opened up. He asked if my workout was in my head. I flashed him a folded up Post-it note with my workout plan and he laughed saying he tries memorizing his workouts beforehand. We proceeded to talk about goals, rest, and routines while pounding out the weight. Before I knew it, he was done and went his separate way. I finished my last set and continued on.

I believe there are signals revealing people who are serious about their training. When T and I discovered that covalent bond, the squats became much more enjoyable. The 5×5 felt awesome. Excited to go heavier next week. It may be inconvenient because of occupied racks, but who knows what other adventurers I’ll meet on my journey.

A [Bulk] Cheat Day

For the past two months I have been bulking. Bulking can be divided into clean and dirty. When thinking of clean vs dirty bulking, I imagine marinading food in detergent vs mud. I define clean bulking as eating “healthy” at a caloric surplus and dirty bulking as eating anything in the vicinity at a caloric surplus. As an example, clean would be eating 3000 calories of celery — which would SUCK — and dirty would be eating 3000 calories of hamburgers — which is AWESOME. I have been leaning towards a clean bulk to minimize fat gain and to make the subsequent cutting process easier. I generally stick to a strict diet over the week, allow a cheat day (Friday), and relax on the diet over the weekend. For my current bulking, I am keeping protein and carbs high. When cutting which I plan on starting in January, I will be keeping protein higher, carbs lower, and fats a little higher and eating at a caloric deficit. I don’t count calories but keep a general sense of protein/carb/fat ratios. Overall my bulk has been solid with an approximate weight gain of 10 pounds over two months.

I documented my cheat day yesterday. It was a delicious day. Enjoy and salivate.

Breakfast:
-4 eggs, 5 slices of bacon, slice of whole wheat bread with peanut butter, half an avacado sprinkled with sea salt
-glass of milk
//This has been a typical breakfast. I’ll usually interchange the bread+pb / avacado with smoked salmon but my bundle of avacados have ripened.

Supplements:
-multivitamin, fish oil, green tea extract

Snack:
-glazed donut
//From evil coworker, and by evil I mean she keeps bringing delicious food into the office.

Lunch:
-McDonald’s: CBO (cheddar bacon onion) angus burger, 19 pieces chicken nuggets with honey mustard and tangy bbq sauces

//I’ve been craving McD’s since absorbing their TV advertisement for the new CBO burger last week. Good job Marketing Team / Ronald McDonald / anyone involved with this travesty. *fist shake*
//I sacrificed a nugget to an intern as an offering to humanity.
//At first I got scared because one of the chicken nugget boxes predicted a sauce (Honey Mustard), but then I looked at the other one. It mentioned Creamy Ranch but I had chosen barbeque. Nice try, Box.

Snack:
-banana

Dinner:
-wingless boneless chicken wings, celery

-8oz charbroiled sirloin steak, mashed potatoes, deep fried onion strings
-cocktail with Hennessey (my favorite), Red Bull, cherry soda/syrup?
//Sadly, the onion strings and mashed potatoes were both bigger than the steak.

Fun:
-glass of Moscato

Before sleep:
-half a glass of milk
//Would have drank more, but I ran out.

Survey Says

My day job offers a discount on medical coverage if one completes a biometric screening and a personal health assessment. The following is a question from the health survey.

Lifting weights is moderate physical activity while jogging and moving furniture are vigorous physical activities. Ridiculous. And what the heck is brisk walking?

And the assessment has questions emphasizing losing weight. I am currently on a bulk until the end of the year. How am I supposed to respond?

Surveys like these, the Body Mass Index, and eggplants really grind my gears.

Mmmy Greek Yogurt Recipe

Greek yogurt is awesome. High in protein and tastes like victory. I would use it to exfoliate the skin and gel the hair but then I wouldn’t have enough to eat.

I consume Greek yogurt every day about an hour before iron temple meditation. I mix in whey protein, creatine, glutamine, powdered peanut butter, and dried blueberries for extra awesome. Here are some pictures of how I make the best snack ever.

Ingredients excluding blueberries.

Empty Greek yogurt into Bowl of Mixology and set container aside for later.

Four scoops of whey protein (two scoops of Optimum Nutrition Platinum Hydro Whey and two scoops of BSN Syntha-6).

It’s better to add one scoop at a time and mix, but I added all four scoops because I like to live life on the edge.

4g of L-Glutamine.

10g of creatine monohydrate and one and a half scoops (~50g) of powdered peanut butter.

Mix everything together using the Spoon of Buffoonery and feel the pump in the forearms.

Empty mixed concoction back into original container. Lick the remnants. Done.

One recommended serving size — equivalent to a cup — and adding up to 1/3 cup of dried blueberries yields approximately 410 calories, 5g fat / 40.5g carbs / 57g protein.

And that’s how I do it. The best part is that anything can be added. Wasabi, roast beef, ramen, the possibilities are endless. Experiment and find what tastes the greatest.

Whenever I buy protein, I like to change up the flavors to blow the mind. With the particular protein magic and ingredients used above, the end result was Turbo Chocolate Orange Peanut Butter Smoothie Greek Yogurt. I need to keep track of other creations because that just sounded very awesome. I’m hungry now…

The Circle of Inspiration

Today was legs day with some extra shoulder work. After I pounded out warm up sets for upcoming 4×10 moderate/heavy squats, a gym regular commented that he envied my leg strength and noticed whenever I deadlifted. He said ever since he started focusing on working legs, he gained an appreciation for the weight others could squat and commented that I was an inspiration. I was taken aback because this fellow could effortlessly complete muscle ups on the pull-up bar. He was very lean and could do a lot of calisthetics. I have admired the exercises he could do and felt that he was an inspiration as well. I persevered through my squat sets, the last two reps of the last two sets being particularly difficult, and moved onto power clean & jerks. When I left the power rack, he started squatting.

I reminisced back to before I started doing squats and focusing on legs. I had neglected the lower half of my body and whenever I felt like working the legs, I would just do leg press. I had chicken calves, pencil legs, and an overloaded upper body. When I started taking the time to clean up squat technique and endure through agonizing sets — at times I thought I would poop and fail before rising back up to rerack the weight — I made remarkable gains.

Two quick basic tips for any exercise:
-Use light weight with emphasis on form. Form > weight.
-Progressive overload every week until a plateau is reached. I would increase by five pounds. I enjoy adding 2.5lb plates to the bar because they’re like little delicious cookies amongst a sea of bigger desserts just asking to be eaten.

The encounter with the regular reminded me of my experience with C. We are all just iron temple warriors continuing the circle of inspiration. Cheers to a stronger future my brethren.

[edit] Found an awesome relevant poem online.

Down the road in a gym far away
A young man was heard to say,
“No matter what I do, my legs won’t grow!”
He tried leg extensions, leg curls, leg presses too
Trying to cheat, these workouts he’d do
From the corner of the gym where the big guys train
Through a cloud of chalk and a mist of pain
Where the big iron rides high and threaten lives
Where the noise is made with big forty-fives
A deep voice bellowed as he wrapped his knees
A very big man with legs like trees
Laughing as he snatched another plate from the stack
Chalked his hands and monstrous back
Said, “Boy, stop lying and don’t say you’ve forgotten!
Trouble with you is you ain’t been SQUATTIN’!”

The Two P’s of Life: A Glorified Narrative of My Pre-Finals Speech

Here is my yearbook entry for my dragon boat team’s recap of the 17th Annual San Francisco International Dragon Boat Festival held on September 15-16.

 

Using the bathroom. A typical routine consists of unloading, flushing, and hopefully cleaning up. Everybody does this often every day. A portable toilet affectionately referred to as a porta potty introduces unpredictable elements to the experience: the water hole can contain indescribable ingredients to fester in a confined space and cleaning agents like toilet paper or soap can be limited and of low quality.

Paddling a race piece. A typical routine consists of a start, body, and finish. Our paddlers do this quite efficiently. A race festival introduces unpredictable elements to the equation: weather and water conditions, other boats in the heat, and pressure to perform.

Before one of the heats at Treasure Island, the urge to use the porta potty was overwhelming. I reached a point similar to feeling too full when eating; put another way, the Wall of Resistance was breaking. I jumped into a toilet chamber to begin the Ritual of P. However, something was wrong. The drawstring to my shorts was tangled*. My body was ready but my mind was in panic. I started to convulse as the surrounding musk and claustrophobia set in. Amidst the hysteria, I had a revelation and remembered a coach’s advice from a recent practice regarding spinning out or overdoing it. “Think!” I calmed my mind and honed in on untying the knot while the Floods of Wrath were on the brink of eruption. I successfully unlocked the String of Fortitude and had the most satisfying feeling of achievement.

When racing, unexpected things may happen even if you plan for them. Timing may fall apart when more power is added, someone may take out an air guitar near the end of the race, and the boat as a whole may fall as the pressure of a final takes over. The key is to stay calm and to think and I guarantee the journey from the start to the finish will be amazing.

Strong Erg Memories

Every now and then I’ll have a spontaneous urge to purchase an indoor rower commonly referred to as the erg or a personal favorite, the torture device. Swirling fantansies of waking early every morning and churning out a 2k or long steady state piece – 18 stroke rate for at least 30 minutes – will fill my head and make me even more excited. Then, I’ll come to my senses and think, “Fuck that.”

Two years ago during winter vacation, a high school friend who was on the collegiate rowing team asked if I wanted to train with him. He had borrowed an indoor rower from his club to row at home. I had minimal experience from doing 500m sprint pieces and three-minutes-for-distance assessments so I was excited to learn more. After seeing my friend row and absorbing everything he had to say about technique, I was eager to bring the knowledge back to school.

During the academic winter quarter, I created the Let’s Get Stronger Plan* for my dragon boat team to increase motivation to work out and fundraise some money.  For every week of the 10-week quarter, each participant would be allowed one rest day. For every extra rest day taken, $0.25 would be donated to the team. For those who did not want to participate but was interested in contributing, they could pledge to sponsor participants and match their donations. Everyone was encouraged to keep track of and share workouts. This was one of the first times I started logging workouts which I consider extremely valuable for anyone serious about ramping their training to the next level. I could go into more detail on why, but I’ll let this article do the talking. During the program, I seized the opportunity to row as much as I could. Today as I look back at my training logs, it’s awesome to see what I’ve done. It would be great to get back into the rowing groove but nahhh, fuck that. But I see an erg waiting in the future.

*The Let’s Get Stronger Plan lasted for two quarters. The first (winter) quarter had 26 participants and 2 sponsors and we earned around $80 over nine weeks. The second (spring) quarter had 11 participants and we earned around $30 over the 10-week quarter. Then I graduated.

The Heated Coliseum

Two weeks ago my muscles started hitting plateaus during max lift attempts. The week after I decided to build a plate of armor with lower weight higher rep hypotrophy. This week I am planning on hitting the Heated Coliseum every day to clean the rust and stretch the limbs. And by Heated Coliseum, I am referring to the Bikram yoga studio.

A few months ago I tried Bikram yoga, a series of twenty-six postures inside a heated room for one and a half hours. What started as a free trial week led to a two week introductory deal into a membership package. Eventually the studio entered a blackout 30-day challenge so to continue my newfound yoga fascination, I jumped onto a week trial at CorePower Yoga and now another trial package at a different Bikram yoga studio which I have been attending every day since Saturday.

I refer to the Bikram yoga chamber as the Heated Coliseum because to survive each session, one must have a champion’s discipline inside the desert arena where it feels like everyone is watching. The search for relaxation under tortuous conditions is no easy task but if done successfully improvement is around the corner. In the beginning I would look like a broken umbrella, but since going often, I now look like a half broken umbrella. I’ve been able to improve my body symmetry which has been compromised over the years from paddling primarily on one side. Think of the unevenness of a tennis player’s arms or a soccer player’s legs. I’ve also been able to increase flexibility significantly. This is coming from a person who could do the splits back during the Wushu high school training days but lost it all over the years. The best part however is the deep mental repose I’ve been able to attain. I’ll feel like I’m dreaming but still awake and I won’t be able to remember my thoughts afterward. However, my body remembers everything I’ve done.

Today during the last breathing exercise, as the lights dimmed, I saw white outlines around everyone’s bodies and over time only mine stayed and lifted to the sky. It was as if a melting snowman sold its soul to speed stroll to the store to buy snow so it could save its SO. Whoa. I don’t know. But one thing’s for sure. I could use some Jamba Juice BOGO.

The Heated Coliseum… Shed it all, grow tall. . .and fall.